Of course, I was a kid in the early 70's, so probably it was some hippie joke about LSD. But the saying always stuck with me. I feel like my whole intellectual life is spent doing the "acid test" on every theory I encounter or that I conjure.
For instance, the theory of loving and approving of yourself unconditionally.
Not only do I sometimes (rather sporadically and erratically) hand out pink flyers suggesting as much, but recently I posted this suggestion on my facebook status line. As with the flyers, there is usually one person who voices the opinion that not everyone should love and approve of themselves unconditionally.
There are, after all, "bad" people out there. Moreover, we all do things that we shouldn't. We all behave badly. So we must keep the threat of punishment always at the ready. Fear must guard the borders like a fierce, aggressive dog.
I guess that might work for some people. It has never worked for me. Lost parts of myself that I needed in order to feel whole were always trapped on the other side of the walls. The dogs were always ripping me to shreds whenever I would try to retrieve my wholeness.
And then, too, if I had to make myself afraid of certain actions or behaviours to keep myself in-line, then obviously everyone else would need to be doing that, too! And, obviously, they weren't!
All this belief system did was make me critical, intolerant, cynical and feeling worse about myself. This did not contribute to my healthy growth and self-esteem, or contribute to my becoming the kind of perfect, serene, wise, and slender person I knew I was destined to be.
There had to be another way.
When the student is ready the teacher will appear. One day it occurred to me that I had loved many people in my life despite their fat thighs, bad tempers, guilty pasts, and so forth. And I had forgiven people that had done terrible things to me-- things that could get them locked in jail.
And yet I could not accept my own thighs, bad temper, guilty past, or even my own much lesser criminal activities. Soon thereafter a friend loaned me a copy of You Can Heal Your Life, by Louise L. Hay.
The acid test for anything, in my opinion, is "how does this benefit all of humanity?" In other words, it does not benefit a thief to live in a world of theft. It does not benefit a killer to live in world of killers. An intolerant person cannot thrive in an environment of intolerance. A glutton can neither thrive in a world of gluttons, or a world of starving people (who will eventually kill him for his food).
It would benefit all of society if everyone had enough to eat, a safe place to sleep, a community that cared about them and loved them. How I wish that Hitler had learned to love and approve of himself unconditionally! The outer world always reflects the inner world. Had Hitler been able to love the Jewish part of himself he would not have had to kill it in the outside world.
I have known some pretty seriously dangerous men in my life. I was just writing on another blog of mine about many men who become criminals (and cops!) are afraid of feelings, especially tender ones, or any feelings of pain or separation from love.
Hardened criminals, like the Aryan Brotherhood (and hate always eventually hardens into some sort of racist hate, the walls and the guard dogs must be clearly marked in black and white) and other gangs define their acceptance of (love of) others by not harming them. And by helping each other physically hurt "others". That is the purpose of a gang. (And perhaps also the purpose of an army. But I sense a long digression there.)
(And a whole long digression on gangs-- street and prison-- as just restructured families based on fighting "others" and centred on anger, pain, hate, and violence. Also, the less comfortable someone is with their feelings- from the gang member to the police officer- the more likely they are to need a high degree of order. If they are able to achieve that order they are more like to work within highly tribal but socially sanctioned groups like the police. If they are not able to achieve the order, or become socially acceptable-- as is the case with black people until very recently, or immigrants, the Italian mafia for instance--it is more likely that need for order will come out in illegal gangs.)
It is awful to think that the answer is to love our enemies. Our enemies have hurt us so much! But that really is the answer, because it benefits everyone.
I know you are thinking "well, if I love those others, they will just come and hurt me as soon as they know that I am unarmed."
Well, this is another misconception- that love is "unarmed." As I have written before, if you want to destroy vampires, don't be Buffy or Blade-- don't be the vampire's opposite, the other, the nemesis-- be the sun.
In this metaphor, love is the sun. It has no judgement against the vampire, nothing to gain (or lose) by killing it. It just simply is the power that causes the vampire to turn to ashes. It's that simple.
And that powerful.
Having love for someone does not mean that you give up your love for yourself. It is not love if you let the junkie rob you (acid test: a junkie does not benefit from a world of addicts- for one thing, who is making the drugs? everyone is too busy nodding out!).
It is not love if you allow yourself to walk all over other people, or others to walk all over you (the acid test should be obvious by now).
You can want what you want, you can still think you are "right", you can still want to change, you can still strive for greater elevation in all of your endeavours.
You just don't have to kick yourself (or part of yourself), or anyone else, out of your heart. You just don't have to be unhappy or miserable. Even if you can't actually reach forgiveness, you just have to leave a space for it. A marker. Because when you can start forgiving yourself you will be able to forgive others. And it won't be as difficult as it seems once you stop living the world with razor wire, vicious guard dogs, and high walls.
If you really learn to love and approve of yourself unconditionally, you will eventually stop doing all of those things you have been trying to control through fear and threats of punishment. And you will probably be able to achieve your other goals more efficiently, too!
That's my experience. I truly believe that if you love and approve of yourself unconditionally, if you truly understand that you are doing the best you can; if you can accept that sometimes you are going to behave in ways that you do not think you should, and still extend love and approval and understanding to yourself, then I think that everything in your life will start to fall into place.
Loving yourself is not selfish-- in fact, it is a great act of charity to the world! Give a loving person to the world everyday! Give someone to the world that is happy, whole, fulfilled, grateful, loving, and understanding! What a miracle for the planet!
And no one is more loving than the person that can love themselves through good times and bad.
I know so many people- men and women- who are looking for a love from another person to complete them, to make them feel whole. I was this way for many years. Only recently have I started to look for the love I need for myself inside of myself.
And the more love I have to give myself, the more loved I feel, the more love I have for others, the more loving people I attract into my life.
It's just karma
I don't have to fight off the negative people and emotional (and psychic, physical, etc) vampires because I am not their "slayer". I am often aware of them, but they do not trouble me so much anymore. They are not my opponents. They are simply people without enough love for themselves, seeing something they don't like about themselves reflected in me. And since I love myself unconditionally, perhaps they will see how they can do the same for themselves, as well.
The love in my heart is like the sun.
And I feel certain that I will only grow stronger in learning to love, and that my love will grow stronger, and that the world will be a better place for it.
If nothing else, there is one less bitter, angry, hurtful, resentful (etc.) person out there.
Well, most days, anyhow. But because I know that my love for myself will not be withdrawn if I should stumble, I recover more quickly. Love is steadying hand is all situations. And its' constant companions are understanding and tolerance. And very often joy and happiness.
So, give it a try. Just for a week, maybe. Just try saying "I love and approve of myself unconditionally" for five or so minutes. If nothing else you will be able to identify all the things you are beating yourself up over, and be able to consciously examine them and decide if they are helping you-- or maybe they are hurting you.
PRAISES, THANKS, & BLESSINGS!!!
conjurewoman1@yahoo.com
Still doing these posts in one sitting. Will try to come back and edit when I have more time. Forgive errors.
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