TRUE POWER

I had to do a ritual for myself last night. (Mostly for myself.) I asked several people to join me, and many faraway friends to pray for me, if they could, while the ritual was going on. I've done solitary rituals for myself, but it is rare that I have asked other witches to give me a boost. It wasn't that I felt I would be "draining" someone else, or using their power. And it wasn't even in vanity- i.e., that I am a better witch and shouldn't have to ask for help.

Each witch's, and person's, power is very personal. I've always believed that it should be self-sufficient. But there are times when one reaches an opening to another level and one gets stuck. The passage way seems to narrow. Suddenly you are trapped halfway between the last level and the next. And at other times, the passageway opens, but it is too wide, and all you can do is hang onto the edges. The current upgrade has felt something akin to be thrown in the water and told to "swim!"

I am not the only person that is getting an upgrade right now. There is so much shifting in the world around us. There is a theory that a butterfly's wings in Argentina can effect a cyclone in Asia. (The chaos theory. It's main proponent passed away just recently and the theory received some press.)

Right now there are many butterfly wings, and many cyclones. This time calls for great flexibility. Things change rapidly from moment to moment. The decisions each person makes have a greater impact on the direction the world is taking. And power upgrades and fluctuations take more mindfulness and more control.

There are two main types of power. Like all power, and everything in our plane of existence, it is dialectical. One pushes, the other pulls. The first is perfect alignment. You drive to the bank, all the lights are green, there is a parking spot right near the entrance, there is no one in line at the bank, etc. The second is perfect attraction. You need to hear from a certain person, you think about them, they call. Or you need a certain item, and it comes to you at just the right moment.

In truth all of us are always exercising both forms of power, but usually not perfectly and usually not all the time. Expectations, desires, beliefs, and all of the thoughts and worry we clog our heads up with block off the energies of alignment and attraction. Or align and attract things that we think we do not want. But you can only attract what you are.

You cannot attract someone else's good fortune. You can only attract your good fortune. You cannot attract someone else's bad fortune. Whatever you have in your life right now, you brought to yourself. Books like Louise Hay's can help you understand the process of how to attract better things into your life, and align yourself with the world around you better, but the process itself really cannot be controlled directly.

In 2003 my spirits told me I was ready to do psychic and medium readings for other people-paying clients, not just friends. I felt very unsure. I didn't really understand how I was seeing what I was seeing. I felt like I needed to understand the process. I needed to be sure that I was going to be in control. I tried to "see" readings before they happened, would challenge myself to "tests" to see if my "power" was working, etc.

But when I simply jumped in and followed their advice I was fine. I began to understand that there was no way to control the process. And that I would not attract any clients that weren't "right" for me. (This is one of the main reasons I began charging for readings. To keep the karma balanced and to attract only those who saw readings as valuable.) Even when I did attract clients that were not satisfied (and thankfully I have had very few), I was always able to see afterward how something in me had attracted them.

(For example, when I first returned to St. Louis, I was not used to the more conservative and fearful views about witchcraft and psychic energy. I often took people's fear as directed at me personally. The more fearful the client, the more uncertain I would feel about myself--that I was doing something "wrong"- the more difficult it would be for me to read accurately.)

I am learning as a witch right now that to have power is to relinquish all control over the power. I cannot watch, monitor, understand or control the power. I can only direct it. In some ways it is not an upgrade I have received so much as the ability to channel larger amounts of power. I am a vessel, not a source. The true obstacle was not that the opening to the next level was either too narrow or too wide, but that I was too narrow or too wide.

No matter how powerful any of us become, we cannot control the world outside of ourselves. Things do not always go as planned. Pinning your power, or the power that flows through you, to certain outcomes can be a mistake. That is not to say that spells and prayers for specific intentions should be avoided. But there has to be a willingness to accept that the outcomes won't always be what you expected. And there must be complete and total faith. Moment to moment, again and again.

True magick must have complete freedom. And true power can only exist in the moment. There must be a relinquishing of assurance about the future (i.e., "I will always be able to summon exactly what I ask for at the moment I ask for it in the manner I want it") and a release of judgment about the past. ("This didn't work last time I did it.")

In the last two weeks I have had these strange rashes- like poison oak or ivy- appear on my ankles after a day cleaning out the storage locker here. (The storage locker is one of the main reasons I came back from Los Angeles. It has been hanging over my head, and my family's, for ten years.) I have also had all of these little bug bites. My ankles are always itching.

The outer world will always reflect the inner. Strange ailments and irritations are always a mark of something that is happening inside. I realised after last night's ritual that I have been shackled to my past for so long I don't even remember what it is like to walk free. I've been chained to the past for so long I have become numb to the chafing.

The only true Power is Love. There must always be a connection to the heart. Your heart is really the vessel that power flows through. Your heart will stop talking to you if you are chained to the past. The heart can only speak in the present moment.

I had lost the ability to really listen to my heart. I was so filled with fantasies about what would make my life "perfect", and things that I felt I needed or wanted, or how I "should" be, and then all the worry and judgements and criticism about the past, that I had lost the ability to really feel myself. To just listen to what my heart was saying.

I can't change the past. I can't control the future. I can only stay mindful in the present moment. I can only release the past and look to the future with Love and acceptance. There is nothing for any of us to do but have faith that our power- that the vessel of our hearts- will draw to us exactly what we are. At this moment.

And sometimes, all it takes is to see yourself through the eyes of the people that love you and believe in you. Sometimes all you need is a friend to pull you up. And by doing so you give your friend the chance to feel their own power- that they are strong enough to lift you up. Power is never for ourselves alone. We cannot possibly use all of our power or all the love in our hearts for ourselves. And to give love freely is to increase it.

By asking for the prayers of the people that love me, I have not been selfish, or insufficient. I have asked only that others increase their own stores of love and power by sending some to me. And it is a humbling experience, to really feel what others feel for you. To allow yourself to be a vessel for the love others have for you is in some ways a greater power than to send love out.

I am still not on top of my new upgrade, as this rambling post makes obvious, but the Love of friends has given me the faith to see that soon I will be.

PRAISES, THANKS, & BLESSINGS!!!