THE DAWN OF THE YEAR

Today was the true "Beltaine", or Bealtaine. (See my last post.) Last night I had some interesting visions. (But no true Bealtaine celebration, alas... The carnal life has escaped me... for now, anyhow... )

One thing I had not noted in my previous post is that Bealtaine, falling between a rare two consecutive full moon's in Scorpio, is on a Tuesday (celebrated yesterday at sunset until tonight at sunset). Both Scorpio and Tuesday are ruled by Mars. (Pluto is now the ruler of Scorpio, but Mars continues to be co-ruler.) And the New Moon was on a Monday, her day. Everything is very aligned right now. I think it is really up to us what the alignment is for.

One thing I was instructed to do was look very closely at what I believe. To follow all of my beliefs back to their point of origin. To change the world we must change ourselves and the way we think. Following my beliefs back to the point of origin has shown me that almost nothing I believe to be true about the world is any more true than the opposite of those beliefs.

To examine what you know is to find that you know nothing. And that makes everything possible again, like a new childhood. Or at least the ability to look at life through the eyes of a child.

I also had a rather stunning vision of the afterlife. As some readers know, I had a nervous breakdown in 1992. At the time, I believed that suicide was a "way out" of my misery. Since then I have talked to suicide's on the other side, and I know that is not true. Ending your life in misery anchors you to that misery. Forever. It destroys many of the good things in your life, and those good things are what give our spirits and souls the power to "pass on". **

So I was hesitant to follow my Guide to the night I sat alone in my bedroom, holding a gun. It makes me anxious even now to write about it-- or even to think about it. I have been working to forgive myself and others and to release all anger, fear, resentment, and guilt. I believe that one of the reasons I was led to that night was to overcome that fear and guilt.

Once we arrived, I was led through the doorway-- as if I had died. Had I truly been a suicide and not a visitor, I would not have been able to escape what I can only describe as stickiness. Like a load of glue I would not have been able to push through.

I was however able to pass through it and found that I was in a kind of outer space type of infinity. Before me there stretched back an almost never-ending line of souls. Some my family and ancestors, but most of them simply people I had interacted with in my life. My best friend from childhood, the stranger I said hello to yesterday at the bus stop. Everyone, no matter how brief or inconsequential the interaction.

On the other side, there is no time. Eternity is not like an endless life, of moments going by one by one. Eternity is no time at all. On the other side, you have already died, you are alive, you are never born. Any moment in time can be accessed, and everything is about to happen, or has already happened; never happened, and will surely happen. For this reason, your own spirit is waiting to greet you when you die. And that is why you see everyone, even those that were still on Earth when you passed.

I could not stay for long- it is not a good idea to dawdle in the land of the dead. We arrive there soon enough. But my feeling was that the length of the line didn't matter as much as the quality. Better a short line with smiling faces (good karma) than a long line of frowns (bad karma).

We are part of the Universe, and the Universe is part of us. Everything we do here resonates from the highest to the lowest. We will all meet on the other side. We are all just gypsies here, passing through.

Let's make this dawn the best ever. Let us use this time to transform ourselves and the world. Let's believe new truths, and create a better future. And let us not forget how deeply our lives entwine with others.

PRAISES, THANKS, & BLESSINGS!!!

** Suicide and murder are essentially the same thing. We are here to learn to love unconditionally, and that means ourselves, too. Whatever you do to another, you do to yourself, and vice versa. When we see something horrible that has happened to another person, we are able to percieve it as horrible because we would not want it for ourselves. We envy that in others that we want for ourselves. There really is no "us" or "them". It is really just ourselves, and the reflection we see in the mirror of other people.

That is why, too, when you love yourself, you love others. When you forgive yourself, you forgive others. And vice versa. When you transform yourself, you transform others. Not just that we attract what we are, but by changing yourself you change the mirror in which others see themselves. Becoming more loving, and others see the love in themselves, etc.