THE SECRET AND MY SECRET

I have not read the book THE SECRET or seen the DVD. I have heard about the buzz, of course, and heard a condensed review of the DVD by someone who has seen it.

I have something of a love/hate relationship with the positive thought movement. I cannot hope to fully address every aspect in this post. (I must admit that I generally spend less than an hour on most of my posts, this one included. Hopefully I shall redeem myself of all my typos and grammer mistakes when I finish my book.)

Let me begin my stating that I DO believe in the "law of attraction", that is, that like attracts like. That postive thoughts and feelings attract postive thoughts and feelings, and that the reverse is also true.

Moreover, I DO believe that we "create our own reality". I believe this to the point that I believe we pick our parents, where and when we will be born, and even many of the things that will happen to us while we are living in this incarnation.

I believe that our BELIEFS shape our reality. (Clever devil's advocates, I ask you to resist the temptation to argue, for the moment, that my beliefs shape this belief.)

And here is where the love/hate comes in. Here is the tricky part.

First, most people do not examine their core beliefs thoroughly. Understanding why you believe the things you believe is a constant and never ending quest. It is complicated by the fact that your beliefs often create what Ken Keyes calls "addictive demands" that then trigger emotions.

For instance, let's say that every time your spouse is late you get upset. Why? Because it is "wrong" for him/her to be late. Why? Because people shouldn't be late. Why? Because it is rude, it creates problems for you, etc. Why is it wrong to be rude? What if s/he didn't mean to be late? What if being on time would have created problems for him/her? Who decides whose problems were more important? And further, back to the first objection, how did you orginally form the opinion that it is wrong to be late; that people "shouldn't" be late? Would this belief hold the same weight in a society where 75% of the people were consistently as late as your spouse; where that was the prevalent culture?

Further, how does your being upset change anything? Probably not at all. In fact, it could make things worse (you get into an argument when your spouse arrives and that makes you even later to your appointment).

Now, I do think that is important to accept all of your feelings regardless of whether they are "rational". In Harriet Goldhor Lerner's book THE DANCE OF ANGER she makes the comparison to thirst and anger. People do not judge why they are thirsty, even if they just had a glass of water. They just accept that they are still thirsty and look for a solution (in this case, drink more water, and perhaps if excessive thirst continues look to see if there is an underlying medical problem).

So there is tricky footwork here, in sorting all of this out. Accepting reactions and emotions, but not acting on them or judging them; questioning each aspect, and following the path the answers lead as far as you can. And it is really stunning, once you begin doing this, how complicated this can be. Moreover, their is usually a "payoff" that you may or may not realise you've been getting, Usually, in my personal experience, that you are "right" and the other party, in this example, your spouse, is "wrong."

And being "right" is heady stuff. It vindicates and validates. It counterbalances all of those times when you were "wrong"-- especially in situations where you do not have power to defend yourself, perhaps at work when your boss reprimanded you, or at your parent's house, etc. There are people who cling so tightly to being "right" they cannot take any criticism or rejection at all. On a cultural level this can lead to intolerance and even hate. (I will let you come up with your own examples.)

I think, for the most part, that the reason positive thought often fails, or worse, creates more feelings of failure and despair, or makes a negative situation worse, is that many people find that core beliefs are difficult to change. Especially if you don't understand where those beliefs originate. Also, positive thought is often used as a defense mechanism against despair or fear of a certain outcome or situation. Without uprooting the source of the despair or fear, "positive thinking" can actually become a force of resistance that strengthens the situation you are trying to overcome.

Now, there is a school of thought, proposed by Joseph Murphy among others, that by simply visualising what you desire--regardless of your belief that you can have it, are worthy of it, etc--- that you can change your reality. He is very specific about how you must visualise: in great detail, as if it is happening to you at that moment, and you must believe that you can have it while you are visualising. His books are filled with anecdotes about people who succeeded using this technique.

Like another guru of mine, Louise L. Hay, he was a minister of the Church of Religious Science. (If I had to pick only one book to recommend, it would be Hay's book YOU CAN HEAL YOUR LIFE. See my post RECOMMENDED READING.) She also believes that visualisation can change any life circumstance. She is living proof, having cured herself of cancer, among other "negative thought patterns". The underlying foundation of her philosophy, though, is self-love. She believes (as do I) that once you learn to love yourself unconditionally you will automatically draw that which you need/want/desire to your life.

She further believes, and I concur, that once you learn to love yourself unconditionally you will be able to love others unconditionally. And that is the reason we are here. That is why we are here on this planet.

Each one of us is special and unique, and each one of us has something to contribute. By becoming who we are truly are-- by clearing away the need to be right, but staying centred in each moment as it comes, by accepting ourselves and each other unconditionally, and by making personal happiness a priority-- we will automatically draw that which we need/desire into our lives.

We will become more truly who we really are on the highest spiritual level.

More secrets in my next post. Until then,

PRAISES, THANKS, & BLESSINGS